Darn Prescriptions!

Today was the first time using our new Rx coverage. I was walking into the Pharmacy just happy as can be since we are no longer forking out a near mortgage payment for COBRA coverage each month. I was expecting to pay $10 for our supply of insulin (2 vials) that lasts us at least two months. (Thank you tiny basal rates!) Then I realized I must be dreaming. ...nothing with insurance is THAT easy. My happy thoughts quickly turned into Uh-oh's as I realized our new policy requires us to get any "recurrent" refills from mail order. I hate that. I dont do insulin by mail! We have had too many bad vials! (Hello, its 120 degrees in the summer!) So, walking in I'm already irritated and feeling controlled by this new evil insurance plan!

This one time will be okay I reassured myself.....I know they allow the first initial RX to be filled at the Pharmacy because I made all benefit elections after spending enormous amounts of time studying each and every tiny detail. "Thats right, the first RX is allowed here in the local Pharmacy" says the clerk. Then, it all started to get a little too frustrating for me. She just sounded more and more CRAZY as I stood at the counter in disbelief. "Thats $76.03" says that silly Pharmacy clerk! Right about now is when my blood starts to boil and I become a bit irrational after having just left my day job dealing with this same CRAP all day from insurance companies. Ok, I ask.......why would it be $76.03? Is it not a "preferred" brand of insulin? "Hmmmmm she says. Let me see" "Um, No.....thats just your cost" she tells me. So, at this point, I start to giggle in an evil, freakish, watch- out- because I'm gonna BLOW kind of way. Yeah....even Maddison walked away. She's seen it go down like this before :) Long story short, we had ZERO insulin at home and I needed to do a site change with a low reservoir. No time to argue. I asked for a print out with the NDC number and planned to call the insurance right away once I calmed down at home. Add $76.03 to my expenses this week.

Now the adrenaline rush has me crashing to a nice 53 when I pull into the drive way. GREAT. It feels like my blood pressure skyrockets right along with it. I can only imagine what I may have missed in electing our coverage. What the hell did I do? Did I miss something this HUGE? I'm frantically trying to recover my computer print out from when I made these new benefit elections online. Ah ha! Found it! Long story short.....it appears we are on a BASE Rx plan, not the PREMIUM RX plan I elected. How the hell did this happen!!?? I can tell you, it wasn't my error and if SOMEONE doesn't change this election to what it should be when I elected it online we will be in SERIOUS FINANCIAL DESPAIR!!! Thats right. This "Base RX" covers only generics at $5 copays. Anyone ever seen a GENERIC INSULIN? HOW ABOUT GENERIC TEST STRIPS?

The breakdown:
Insulin= $76.03 per month
Test strips for Maddison @ 400 per month = $87 (yes this is a "preferred" brand)
Test Strips for ME @ 400 per month = $87

Total: about $300 per month (car payment perhaps?)

By comparison, we used to pay $10 for insulin and $10 for test strips. OUCH. I never knew how good our insurance WAS!! And, Ah yes.....this base RX says you pay 40% of retail cost for any brand name RX, not to exceed $200. How nice. Now, why isn't there generic insulin? I dont know how this happened, but someone made an error somewhere....this is NOT the plan I chose! More insurance drama that I will have to fight. How completely, and entirely frustrating! Can't anything just ever work out the way it should without me having to go an extra 10,000 miles to get it there?

No meter!!??

Why is it that people diagnosed with Type 2 are convinced by their doctors that their Diabetes diagnosis is nothing but a mere dietary change and easily managed? Well, I guess we all know the answer to that.....but why do doctors repeatedly send new diagnosed Type 2's home with NOTHING? No meter, no direction, no reading material. Nothing. Nothing but orders to watch their diet and have blood work drawn in another 3 months. I hear this same diagnosis horror story every time from people with Type 2 and it is really scary!

I have two older ladies (over 60) in my office that both have Type 2. Neither of them have a meter. Neither of them know much about their diagnosis, and they both confuse my Diabetes as being the same as theirs. How could you not educate yourself? Don't people know about google? The Internet was my source of information when I was diagnosed. I joined diabetesforums from day 1 and I learned everything from the patients themselves. I learned absolutely NOTHING from my doctor and my insurance didn't cover dietary counsel. Without educating myself I would probably have been in DKA soon after diagnosis because I was originally dx'd as Type 2. (actually my PCP mentioned LADA) I was on Actos and Metformin and never saw a number under 250 while waiting to see an Endo for 3 weeks. Had my PCP immediately ordered STAT lab work to verify T1 or T2 (especially when I was 110lbs!) I wouldn't have suffered for those 3 weeks before starting insulin. I'm lucky I didn't end up very, very sick. It sickens me when I think about the lax response to a T2 diagnosis! I was also lucky that I was sent home with a meter, but of course....I knew nothing about ketones!

As I sat at work today I noticed the bathroom breaks every hour. I noticed repeated yawning, and the water cooler bubbling as my co-worker refilled her glass endlessly. My understanding is that this co-worker was diagnosed about 6 months ago. But, why does she STILL not have a meter to check her blood!!?? The other co-worker was diagnosed just several weeks ago, and yep....No meter. Just a script for blood work in 90 days! I feel terribly worried for them both. I'm tired of the lack of understanding in this country! This disease affects MILLIONS of people and even PCP's don't know better than to send a Type 2 home with a damn meter!!??
T1, T2....it doesn't matter. You could be very sick, very fast and yet the patient is deceptively convinced by their doctor that Diabetes isn't a big deal! Its outrageous! No meter!!??

5am, not so tired and I need excercise to sleep!

At 5am my alarm clock sounds. Time to hit the treadmill. Or not. Maddison went to bed in range but by midnight she spiked 130 points. I battled her highs all night. She has complained of cold symptoms on and off for days now. My Maddie is not a complainer. She doesn't slow down until she REALLY feels bad. I think it's coming. I can see it in the numbers. Hannah has missed the last two days of school with a horrid cough. All the neighbors and kids at school are sick with "the flu." Yikes.

Maddison wakes up with my 5am alarm and tells me to PLEASE be quiet so she can sleep. Why is she in my bed again anyway? Did I mention I moved the treadmill RIGHT beside my bed for a few weeks? I had to give up my exercise room...but I couldn't give up my treadmill with it, so beside my bed it sits waiting to be used.(We have family staying with us until their new home is ready.) This is also Josh's only day off. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate my feet hitting the treadmill at 5am right beside him. So, no treadmill for me today. This was an actual, valid excuse this time for a change! I honestly didn't want to disturb my sleeping husband that slaves away at work 14 hours a day. So, I crawled back into bed. I'm so irritated with myself....6 days of workouts have slid by me. I'm too damn tired to get out of bed at 5am. For the prior 6 weeks I had the routine down. I was on a roll. Doing great, feeling even better. And now, once again, I am back to choosing sleep over exercise! How dare me! :)

I know that choosing to sleep over the exercise means I will DRAG myself through each day. I will be miserable. But for that 5am moment, sleep is all I can rationalize. I NEED to get up to a vigorous workout in the morning to stay energized. Did I mention I have a whole ordeal of hormonal testing next week? I want an answer. I want a definite answer. Not just "adrenal fatigue" as a blanket diagnosis. This tired person isn't me, I don't normally fall asleep all day and choose the couch when I get home from work. I'm the type of person that can't sit still. I must find something to do. I can always find something that needs to be done to keep me moving. Is the pool clean? the yard? How about the front yard? The kids rooms? Is the dog walked? Lately, that isn't me. Lately, I don't care. Or is it that I'm too tired to care?

Now its 9pm and the kids are in bed. I'm not so tired. In fact, I can't sleep. How did I get to this crazy place? Now I'm exhausted all day and I can't sleep at night? What the heck? So I sit here and wonder how I have gotten to this point. I think back to the way "I" really used to be. 3 years ago something changed everything. I used to sleep a good nights sleep. Besides the sleep changes, I had always been a runner, 20 miles a week was "easy" back then. I've always exercised 4-5 times a week, and felt totally energized all day. That was "ME." I felt healthy, even when I was diagnosed, with the exception of a few months there! I was the "healthiest" I had ever been. Being diagnosed I felt crappy alot, but I came back quickly once I figured out exercise and insulin. I never quit my workouts and I felt good despite all the new Diabetes craziness. But, bring in Maddison's Diabetes diagnosis a few months after mine, and it was all over.

Tonight I sit here being "not so tired" because I am a mess inside. My sleep habits are all screwy, and it isn't anything that I have chosen or done to myself. I dont have poor sleep habits because of caffeine, TV, or anything I could change. I have sleep problems because the one thing I CANT change in life, of course, that's Maddison's Diabetes. I think what Diabetes has taken the MOST from me physically is sleep. And it isn't my own Diabetes that has taken it. I'm "not so tired" tonight because the Mama bear has to make sure her baby bear is safe and healthy tonight... how can I sleep when I feel the need to be watchful? Does my mind ever stop thinking so I can rest? I could never decide to not check Maddison at night, we just dont have predictability with her numbers for long, Maybe a month or so, but then it all changes! I tend to be a bit anal about keeping Maddison in range over night, I admit that. But, a good 8-10 hour stretch of stable numbers while she sleeps is crucial to her overall health!

I'm tired of being tired all day. I'm tired of being given the opportunity to crash early at 9pm and I cant get to sleep. Now THAT is frustrating. I think I already have it all figured out! Too bad it isn't gonna happen.....life just isn't that easy.....If I could just push back my work hours......I wouldn't have to get up an hour and a half early to fit in a workout before sending the kids off to school! I can dream can't I??? I just don't know if I can do 5am, REALLY. It's not the workout that I make excuses for. I actually like to exercise, just not at 5am! It used to be I worked later in the mornings, so I didnt have to get up so painfully early to fit in a workout......This is where the blame comes in....I'm angry that Diabetes has made me this tired person. I'm not an early morning person, so now that I wake up several times a night chasing numbers, I can't wake up THAT early anymore to exercise! So, I blame Diabetes for making me this unfit, tired, lazy person I have become. Sad, I know. I don't want to "blame" anything for the fact that I haven't made the time for ME that I know I MUST have to stay healthy and sane. But, the truth is, right now I do blame the Diabetes. And, thats ok....as long as I snap out of this and find a way to have my sleep and work out too!

So, while I sit here "not so tired" every night I will try to brainstorm and find the answer to my sleep issues and lack of exercise craziness. Choose sleep? Choose exercise to induce better sleep? What if I just physically CANT wake up at 5am? I know my brain is playing with me. I know that if I make myself get up for blood sugar checks often at night then I should be able to make myself get up for that 5am alarm! But, I seriously cant, or at least I haven't been able to the last week or so. This "not so tired night" will surely make for a very tired morning. I'm hoping to brain wash myself enough tonight that I come springing from bed at 5am bright eyed and ready to go.....does anyone actually do that?

Ping-Ponging

I've been pushed to my limit lately with Maddison's ping-ponging blood sugars! I need a Diabetes time out. A break. A getaway. Anything would be appreciated at this point. Late last week on the one day I forgot my cell phone (of course) the school nurse had a terrible time trying to figure out what to do next! Low, low, high. Low, spiked, dropped. Craziness. All in one short, 6 hour school day. The weekend was fairly "stable" until Sunday afternoon. 80 degrees in Phoenix combined with Volleyball chaos at the park for hours re-sparked whatever ping pong game wasn't yet completed in days past. CRAZY. And now, let me explain the poor decision making on my part that I'm really kicking myself for today.....

Last night after Hannah's big volleyball winnings over the weekend, she wanted to treat herself by using her gift card.....TO COLD STONE CREAMERY!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHH!!! Anyone that frequents my blog knows how I DREAD, HATE, and DESPISE ice cream for Maddison....did I mention she has been ping ponging from 280's to 50's and back again since last week? Yeah. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? So, when Hannah asked me to take her for ice cream initially I said NO WAY JOSE because it was already after 6pm. I dont even like to feed Maddison ANYTHING after 6pm, and especially not ice cream from a devilish place like Cold Stone Creamery! For anyone lucky enough to not have one in their own town, let me paint the picture. A small size = approx 1.5 cups of ice cream. Try convincing an 8yr old that she can have half of her ice cream, and I will have the other half. Yeah. It takes away all the fun and excitement apparently! Wasn't gonna happen. The CREAMERY part of the name, I assume, means some kind of CRAZY, extra special creaminess....and judging by our ending blood sugar result after ice cream, it REALLY is some kind of crazy creamery for sure!

Anyway....take your SMALL ice cream and add to that Maddison's choice "mix in"......chocolate chip cookie dough!!!!I KNOW, I KNOW! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? Right before your eyes they mix the ice cream with your choice "mix ins" using a "cold stone" laid flat on the counter. My guesstimate was 75c even though Calorie King said 45!!! So I bolused for 75c and hoped for the best. Maddison started eating at a nice 120. Two hours later she was 228 and going to bed with about .4 active. Although Maddison's pump was showing she still had enough active insulin to bring her into range, I knew better with that with this evil ice cream!! I bolused Maddison an extra half a unit to try and defeat that delayed high. An hour and a half later, Maddison was 340! By midnight she hit 438!!!! By the time Maddison woke to start her day I only got her down to 268. Why didn't I just say no to the ice cream?? With a huge pre-bolus for breakfast I sent Maddison to school at a pretty good 138. An hour later at 9am she was 80 with 1.8 active! The school nurse decided to call me on this one. Hmmmm...is she really just going to stay that stable, or is she going to drop? We decided to wait and see. An hour later Maddison came in at 87. I dont know HOW that happened. Maddison was also complaining of a headache so I instructed the nurse to give her liquid Tylenol. I figured it probably had a few carbs in it too, perhaps the tiny "sugary syrup" boost would help if she was actually going lower. Before lunch Maddison was 250! WHAT THE HECK??!! How many carbs does that liquid children's Tylenol have anyway!!??

The rest of today was just as crazy. I want to hide. I'm done with Diabetes AGAIN today. Too bad we can't just get a break! I'm a ping-ponging emotional mess the last few days too. Angry, sad, tearful, angry. ANGRY. Angry at these numbers. Of course, last night was my own fault, a bad choice. But what about the rest of the crazy ping-ponging days lately? I'm sick of looking at the numbers flashing back at me. Its like Maddison has some weird absorption delay or something. Of course, then I start to think the "C" word.....and I end up freaking myself out. I'm not used to ping-ponging craziness. I've never seen anything like it. Deep breath. Tomorrow will be better. Looking over Maddison's log I dont see anything, just another random crazy spell I suppose.

My own blood sugars didn't fare so well after last nights ice cream either. I hit 300around midnight and started my day at 198. WHAT???!!!! ICK. That ice cream was SO not worth it! You wont find Ben or Jerry in my house anytime soon! Maybe NEVER again. I spent all day at work today feeling horribly guilty for giving in to ice cream. How ridiculous. I don't think I will ever look at a ping-pong table the same again. -sigh-

Thats my girl!

Saturday was of course, tournament day for Hannah's Volleyball team. I'm so proud to say that Hannah's team played some awesome games gaining back the higher division placement where they truely belong.
We took 1st place in the rounds this weekened!! The girls won 9 of 10 games played (or something like that) and are totally back on track, we have our winning team back! Yay Terminators!

Today was spent at an extra tournament that Hannah and her best buddy from the team signed up for at the local sporting field. !
This was a 2 on 2 sand volleyball tournament...sand volleyball is tough! Hannah had some experience playing these types of tournaments in years past, but today was Hannah's day! After 4 hours of games, Hannah and her team mate took 1st place today in their age group! Talk about some tough games, these girls are GOOD!

My new Diagnosis

Just as I suspected, new lab work just revealed the answer to my worsening symptoms lately. Fatigue, weight gain, insomnia, difficulty waking in the morning, irritability, fuzzy thinking, lack of concentration. I have every single symptom on the lists. Who would think this was anything but what we expect to feel as sleep deprived parents? I kept trying not to complain. I kept trying to suck it up and continue on my way. Thank goodness I had my labwork done sooner than later. Thank you Lord for a "simple" diagnosis. Our bodies amaze me more and more every day as I learn the complexities and dominoe effect each system and function has on one another. I'm glad I'm not crazy. I'm a strong believer in listening to your inner concerns when you feel you just aren't feeling like yourself. It's time I get to feeling like ME again. My new Diagnosis.

I just don't get it

9 mini pancakes with "sugar free" syrup and 2tbsp of peanut butter atop. 1 cup of chocolate milk (made with 1c chocolate mix! YAY!) Throw in a few banana slices. Maddison eats the same carb count every-single-day for breakfast, sometimes a tad more for hungry days, but always the same foods. Sometimes Maddison gets a little wild and will choose cinnamon/Splenda toast with cheesy eggs, or maybe waffles in place of pancakes. For the most part during the school week its the same old favorites. The entire first year after diagnosis Maddison would come in for her morning check in range 80% of the time, just as predictable as her morning choice for breakfast. (thank you honeymoon!)The last entire year however, I just don't get it.

I guess I do "get it." I totally understand. No, no.....scratch that. I don't understand. I have this argument repeatedly with my other personality. You know, the one that just accepts Diabetes for what it is. THAT personality. The one that is so optimistic and and just rolls with the punches. Well, I'm not that person this week. I'm irritated, and I just dont "get it." How can you eat the same damn thing every day, at the same time, in the same amount and STILL have an entirely different blood sugar in the end? Oh......right......we are talking about an 8yr old here! A running, growing, jumping, happy, sad, stressed, excited and GROWING child. Some days, like today, I just don't get it. I don't want to accept that Diabetes for our children IS this random, difficult, continuously changing, unpredictable.....you name it. I have accepted the shots, dietary concerns, finger pokes and emotional dramas....I still haven't accepted the fact that Diabetes never stops changing. This is truly the hardest part for me. I don't like change.

Monday was a day off from school. Maddison fought lows all day despite her weekend "pattern" being set in her pump. Tuesday back to school she was awesomely in range all day. Wednesday she was 300's......and today was closer to being in range again. So, what to do for tomorrow? I just don't get why it has to be this way. ((Vent over))

Saturday, Sunday....the Saga (a boring post)

On Saturday Hannah had her 4th Volleyball tournament. Hannah was dressed and ready to go first thing in the morning, although the games didn't begin until late afternoon. Hannah lives and breathes nothing but Volleyball even more so these days. Although Hannah played consistently well, the team chemistry and several other girls just didn't have it in them to play their best. We couldn't even recognize our team! They played some pretty depressing games. Poor Hannah was good to go but it just wasn't happening for the other girls. What a bummer of a Valentines day for Hannah! Games started at 3pm and we played until nearly 10pm, 9 games total with 2 hour breaks in between. What a long day! Next weekend I'm sure the team will be back to 100%!!

Getting home late we were exhausted from all the tournament emotions. We decided to cracked open some Valentine chocolates. At 11pm! I should have known better, but who can deny your sweet hearts their chocolate on Valentines Day? I knew I would have to check Maddison every hour until her bolus from her chocolates wore off because she was going straight to bed. You would think I would have said it just isn't worth it....I wish I did! Long night for me to say the least! Lesson learned. No sweet stuff late at night! Maddison hoovered in the low 100's for two hours and hit 230 by the time her insulin wore off. Not so bad I guess.

I, however, was not so lucky. Around 1am I jumped from bed covered in sweat with my heart POUNDING. I thought this time was IT. I was sure I was having an out of body experience..... I was sure I was d-e-a-d. I have NEVER in 3yrs (to my knowledge) had a low under 60 at night. I stumbled to the kitchen in total confusion, somehow knowing very well what I needed to do. I skipped fumbling with the meter, and popped 4 glucose tablets from the get go. My meter rang in at 42 with .6 active. YIKES. Of course, being stuck in starving mode and my brain convincing me to eat everything in sight I demolished about 60carbs before falling back into bed. I set my alarm for an hour later to bolus for the high I knew would come and I rang in at only 230. Not so bad considering!

Of course, by Sunday night I was afraid to go to bed. No insulin active. Dinner was 5hours prior, but I still had the fear of Saturdays low in my head. I was 108 and I couldn't sleep. Realizing I had a glass of wine with my dinner I convinced myself I needed to eat extra carbs to sleep safely. So I did. 30c worth, and feeling much safer I still wanted to check at around 1am. I was 280. Hmmmm....wonder why!? I guess I needed to see a high to actually feel safe. Scary thing those lows in the night! They really messed with my mind.

Maddison was 78 going to bed last night. 15c of juice later she was just 91. Set my alarm for an hour later and she was just 90. Ugh. The saga continues. 8c of juice, rechecked in 30 min, 98. What the hell? I know how sneaky that juice is in the night. It hides somewhere in that tummy only to strike an hour later. 287. Fabulous. I'm glad the Saturday/Sunday saga is behind us. On with the school week! Did I mention I had no choice but to trash that damn Valentines candy? I sure did. Good riddance. For awhile now I wont look at chocolate the same. That's probably a good thing.

Lows, highs, high, high. I love our school nurse!

I'm finally feeling good about Maddison's overnight basal changes....nearly a month later she's looking fairly steady overnight. Last week in the afternoons and evenings Maddison had too many lows. I chalked them up to warmer weather (80's!!) and needing to adjust a few things for the amount of time Maddison was spending running wild in the streets with friends enjoying the weather for hours on end. This week, Maddison is 250-300 all day at school. So, I'm back to adjusting some morning basals for the school days. -Sigh-

Today is the first day of Maddison's increased basal rates so being the totally cant-wait-another-second-to hear the results mom that I am, I emailed the school nurse to see what she was for her 9:30am check. Yesterday she was a horrid 285, so today I was really expecting a much better number ..Nope. 287. What the hell would she have been without me increasing her basal for today?

If I haven't said this enough, I LOVE Maddison's school nurse. She emailed me back almost instantly and asked if she should replace part of her snack today (the 15c yogurt drink) with a flavored water. YES, YES, YES!! I love this woman!! She is right on the same page with me! She knows I am a total freak with letting Maddison eat if she is over 200. She also knows that Maddison eating a 23c snack with a 287 blood sugar = wholy crazy spike to 350's before the insulin actually starts to work well enough. That kind of spike/drop cant be good for learning, or her health. I love you Mrs L!!! Thank you for caring so much about your "D" kids!

Another email pops up, this time the Nurse is asking if we should start pre-bolusing Maddison if she is over 200 for her snack. Of course at home we do.....BUT, this would mean that Maddison has her blood sugar checked, is pre-bolused and then sent out to recess for 15 minutes. Ummmm......yeah. Not such a good idea for school. So now I bet the Nurse REALLY thinks I am crazy because I told her it was too risky. I mentioned my reasoning's, all the "what-if's" we need to think about....What if Maddison chases boys that day and runs her little heart out with a pre-bolus working? Would the insulin catch up before the snack? What if she stops by the bathroom before eating her snack within that time period? What if she doesn't eat her snack? Yeah....not such a good idea. I thought about a square wave bolus over 30 minutes, but then that means part of the bolus would actually be 15 minutes AFTER she eats her snack......you just can't win. No fancy tricks at school I guess.

Of course, if Maddison's 2nd grade class wasn't the LAST of 1400 student to go to lunch they wouldn't be having a snack every day anyway! (lunch is 1.5 hrs before dismissal!) Sheesh. For now we will assume basal adjustments will lead to the answer and we won't need to worry about snacks if she is high. Maddison shouldn't be coming in at her 9:30am check over 200 EVER anyway. I have to laugh....I can dream can't I?

Full moon

I always think of nights with a full moon as craziness night. It started a decade ago when I worked in the ER as an EMT. All medical personnel know that full moon nights mean the weirdos are falling from the trees. We have some weirdoness in our own house tonight......

The kids have found some unusual energy. They are giggling non-stop about the silliest things. A HUGE spider found its way into our kitchen, even the dog ran away from the hairy scary sight! Day 3 of rain in the Desert. It even HAILED today while I was at work. Poor Josh just completed a typical 14 hour day, "the worst day of his life" even. Nothing seemed to work right for him today he says. Being a truck driver isn't as easy as it seems. Of course, that's because he also unloads a 50ft truck once arriving to his destinations. Poor guy. He works such long days and always seems to have issues at every stop. The full moon was apparent for him too today I guess.

I have my own craziness going on in a much different way. CRAZY because I have small ketones for the first time ever. I have never had ketones in 3 years of living with Diabetes. Not even at diagnosis with an award winning 13% A1c! My blood sugar was 52at 3pm today. I guess I over did the carb correction as I shoveled anything I could find into my mouth. I was STARVING. I thought I bolused fairly close for the extra carbs. 246 later, I corrected. Did some laundry, found yet another SPIDER! They must not like the rain outside! After another heart attack from the unwelcomed visitor I decided to take a quick 10min nap before leaving for Volleyball practice. I woke up so thirsty I could swear I was in the thousands. 298. Wow, I haven't seen a number that high in years. No dinner for me! Sight change later, I think I could drink the ocean and my headache is about to make me puke. ICK. I wonder if I rebounded? I've never had that happen to me before, but, unfortunately I have seen it often enough in Maddison to know it really does happen. I dont know. Maybe I'm getting sick. Maybe I just ate a bazillion carbs more than I thought during my low binge. Maddison just checked in at exactly 298 like me! WEIRD! I can't think of any reason Maddison would be 298 right now, well, except for the fact that movies after school is alot different than her running wild in the streets :) I think I see a long night ahead. Gotta love a full moon I guess.

70's? Good basal rate and its FRIDAY!

My meter average over the last 14 days is 102. I'm cured! It seems I hang out in the 70's alot lately thanks to getting back into my healthier routine. Problem is, now I don't feel my lows! At all! Not good.....I have caught several 40's by simply checking my BS every 2 hours. Most of those 40's I had a huge amount of active insulin which is even scarier. I honestly didn't have a symptom at all which scares me enough to run myself quite higher for a few days trying to regain my awareness. The 70's isn't the safest range for those of us powered by insulin apparently!

On the basal front Maddison went to bed at 186 last night. A bit high, but safe for basal testing when you expect a drop. Maddison was 196 two and a half hours later, then 158 when she woke up this morning. Not so bad. Lets hope the next few days assure me we have things set right. Now I need to work on adjusting her sensitivity overnight! Ahhhh!

This weekend I have plans with support group moms to take the kids to a movie. Thats about it! Got my taxes done....house cleaned.....laundry done.......looks like this weekend will be relaxed! Good thing for a change thats for sure! I gotta mention our estimated medical expenses from our 2008 taxes.....11,496.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOLY SMOLY PEOPLE!!! Thats pump supplies, insulin, Endo visits, PCP visits, etc etc etc......get this.....at 400 test strips per month for Maddison and 400 per month for me it totals 9,600 test strips a year!!!!! No wonder I am obsessed with numbers, LOL.....I think all I do sometimes is poke fingers! I'm an certified professional finger poker! Sheesh!

SUSPEND

Weather here in AZ yesterday was 81 degrees! Is this the "reason" for Maddison's more frequent lows or is it my Diabetes superstition from when the DR asked how often Maddison has lows? Hmmmmm.....Before bed last night Maddison was 264, I assumed the liver gave back after 3 afternoon lows. How nice of Mr Liver to keep Maddison safe hours later. I corrected, but decided that I didn't want to correct in full while the insulin was still dosing. (Full corrections have been taking her a bit too low at night with all the playing outside lately!!) The insulin dosing could be seen counting down on the pump screen...... .1, .2, .3, SUSPEND....I suspended her pump just in time to stop the correction where I wanted it. -whew!-

Two hours later when I got up to check on Maddison she was still 240's. Strange I thought, that correction didn't budge her. I figured I made the wrong choice and should have corrected her in full. Did I mention I don't like guessing games? So, I roll Maddison over to find her pump safely in her pump pack. Do you know what that silly pump said? It flashed the word SUSPEND!!! WHAT!!?? NOooooooo!! I already learned this lesson once before, the HARD way! Not again! I had left her pump in suspense mode which means she didn't get any of her basal insulin for those two hours! I was so irritated with myself for making this mistake yet again! I must say though, I was quite shocked and relieved that she wasn't higher than the 240's! It could have been so MUCH worse. I gave extra for the correction calculating in the missed basal and she was a nice 118 when she started her day! YAY! But, there goes yet another night getting closer to deciding on the basal changes that were made weeks ago! -sigh- (Scott, this reminds me of your Spider post that is the funniest thing I have EVER read!! Obviously, I can totally relate to a million things interfering with basal testing!

On a better note, last night Maddison had a visit from the tooth fairy! She was so excited. That crazy fairy left her $5 for her tooth! Seems she spent alot of time polishing that tooth after it fell out yesterday. I told her I wished she polished ALL her teeth so well, not just when the tooth fairy comes! This being just her 2nd lost tooth, (yes she is 8!) I guess the tooth fairy was extra generous. I think I used to get 50 cents from that same tooth fairy when I was a kid!

Sickening

This article leaves me completely speechless.

I'm sickened in part because the mention of noodles and cupcakes. This girls death has nothing to do with eating noodles or cupcakes! How dare an uneducated reporter claim food choices is in part to blame! This should be an obvious issue of the mother being neglectful in managing her daughters Diabetes. I would assume she didn't give her insulin with her meals, regardless of the nutrional content. Noodles? How sickening that this could ever happen to a child? Noodles? That about tops ridiculous! How about a bolus for what the kid ate?

Site change chocolate craziness

I'm sitting in bed with my laptop at 11pm when I should be sleeping. An hour ago as I was checking Maddison before climbing in bed for the night, her meter flashed a haunting 49 which made me gasp out loud waking Josh from his deep sleep. What the HELL!!?? So totally unexpected. Maddison's check prior to the heart stopping 49 was just an hour before when she went to bed, she was a nice 118 with zero active insulin from her dinner. So what happened? A site change at bedtime, that's what happened. Not exactly the best time to change a site!

It used to be when Maddison had her sites changed we would have to give her about an 8c snack to avoid a low soon after. Sure, we could have just primed less into the cannula (maybe) but she enjoyed her 8c Hershey's Chocolate Carmel stick on site change days. So, a site change with a treat worked every time. Somewhere over the last two years the treat for site changes disappeared. No more lows after sites changes. Ahhhhhh yes.....but now we have been using arms for Maddison's sites. I guess tonight her little arm wanted some chocolate with the site change. 15c of juice, two glucose tablets and an hour later Maddison is just 96. And, now I can't sleep.

11pm turns into Midnight, and I'm supposed to wake up for my 5am date with my treadmill? Hmmm.....and how many times will I have to get up tonight to make sure Maddison is safe since weirdness decided to pay a visit? I'd like to give her some chocolate milk and call it a night. But, I can't. Set a temp basal? I'd have to wake up to make sure she isn't too high or too low anyway! So where is the manual on this girls body anyway? A manageable disease hugh? Well, manage THIS whoever deemed Diabetes as "manageable".......

I'm tired of heart attacks that pop up unexpectedly in the wee hours of the night, or is that morning? I'm tired of lows followed by highs. I'm tired of highs followed by lows. I'm tired tonight after two frickin weeks of trying to get overnights "managed" right so my sweet Maddison isn't too low which could cause a seizure, or too high that could cause her body harm. I'm tired. All of us moms with children that have Diabetes are tired. TIRED. Why don't some kids wake up when they are low? WHY? Note to self: Don't do a site change so close to bedtime unless you are prepared to have a possible heart attack AND stay awake all night because now you just can't sleep. Next time, we will go for the chocolate.

Damn Deductibles and running in circles

With January behind us, I completed the month end close for my Patient and Insurance accounts at work this morning. Before doing so, I had to enter any remaining insurance payments on accounts for the month. January is hell month in the Medical billing world thanks to just one little word......Deductible.

I would say that 80% of my patients had a deductible to satisfy for this months claims. So, I haven't had many payments from Insurance companies this month! Now I have to pursue collecting from patients that simply may not have the money this year to pay out of pocket for deductibles. I honestly feel for these people. DME supplies are not cheap. Most of my patient accounts have reoccurring supplies they need, much like we all know is the case with our Insulin pumps. Most of these patients are elderly. It saddens me every year when January rolls around because I know many of my patients are financially burdened by having to meet their deductibles each new year. I imagine even more so this year. So what does this mean for my next few months at work? It means that I am the bad guy. I am the one sending them their bill for medical expenses. I cringe knowing I will recieve phone call after phone call from angry Patients that don't understand their benefits. I will be cursed at, hung up on, called names, treated like I don't know what I am doing. Treated like their insurance is all my fault. I hate being the bad guy. What I really hate is deductibles. And insurance companies!

Receiving insurance payments today was scary. For 2009 reimbursement has decreased on most of our CPAP supplies. Of course, we all know that premiums have increased ALOT in most cases. Very interesting. Confusing. Sickening. Scary. I just don't know what to think about health care in this nation anymore. I hope Obama really does have the solution, and quickly.

The basal adjustment I made for Maddison TWO weeks ago hasn't improved for certain. One night is fine. One night is low. Then the next is reflective of totally crazy craziness that is just out of the blue CRAZY! Then her numbers are fine for three days. Two weeks later and I'm just not sure. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to find where she drops those 60 points. As always, it goes something like this......One night was a weird dinner. One day she was high all day. On a Saturday she was low all day. Alot of exercise two nights and not the next. Weekends that are crazy. Sleeping in, staying up late. Hiking, trampolines, walking the dogs for miles. I'm running in circles trying to decide if I should leave the basal adjustment or change it again. I guess this is just called life. My crazy life anyway. Always running in circles :)

My morning workout routine is going GREAT! No more highs after starting my run! ((knocking on wood!))I can jump on my treadmill right out of bed at around 110 and hoover within 20 points the entire hour. Thank you Double Shot Espresso Light! (just 6c!!) I bolus just a tiny .1 (2c for me) so I guess a little insulin goes a long way! Not too high, not too low. Lets just hope it stays that way. I still haven't had to adjust any of my basal rates which is really weird. I do however knock off about 15c from my morning protein shake to avoid a drop and it seems to work pretty well. I hoover around in the 70's mid-morning so a handful of almonds and some cheese seems to do the trick for holding me over until lunch. Sometimes I will have to eat some raisins or tea with sugar to avoid a low, but amazingly no craziness. No lows with an hour workout every day? Isn't that unheard of? Oh well, I feel stronger and healthier already. I am still totally tired all day which is weird, it must be the extra running in circles with Maddison's numbers all night! Something tells me that will never change.....