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August 2nd is the day.

Ive almost called to cancel several times in the past week...but I know Im at the point that I cant put this off any longer. To say I'm a bit nervous is a total under statement. I dont even know if I'm making the right decision, although my Doctor assures me this is for the best.

I received confirmation in the mail today that our insurance has authorized my Hysterectomy along with up to 5 days Inpatient. Great. Now this is really gonna happen I guess. All I keep thinking is....

What is this surgery (with removal of both ovaries) going to do to my "well mannered" Diabetes? Losing "control" of my Diabetes is my biggest fear in this entire world (besides losing control of Maddison's) which is mainly the reason I have delayed this surgical decision for the past 5 months.

A Hysterectomy is hard enough without Diabetes.

A Hysterectomy is hard enough without high blood sugars.

A Hysterectomy is hard enough without low blood sugars.

What happens when your female insides are all yanked from the body? I'm guessing I will be a hormonal mess for awhile. I still have no idea what I want/should do with HRT. Does this Hysterectomy mean I will surely ride the D rollecoaster? Am I inflicting craziness upon myself? Sheesh. My "normal" hormonal mess is bad enough....but a D mess on top of that? I'm not sure I'm prepared for this....

But, I have to remind myself why I cant put this off any longer.

Im anemic. I've had two ruptured cysts in 5 months that nearly sent me to the ER in excruciating pain. I have back pain that travels down both legs. Almost every day. Pelvic pain. Every day. I have totally random bloating that leaves my normally flat stomache looking like I'm 7 months pregnant. My Endometriosis is getting worse, not better. Even 3 surgeries and 15 years later. Whatever has taken residence in my Uterus isnt going to just disappear, and my poor enlarged ovaries (CA-125 was negative) both have Endometriomas that I can literally FEEL twitching and growing some days. OUCH. Gross, I know. The list continues....but I will spare the details.

So August 2nd it will be. PERIOD. I'm NOT rescheduling, no matter how much I freak out about the expense, missing work, or my Diabetes. Its time to take care of me. Again. I just realized this is starting to be a sucky pattern each August. Last year at this time I had half my Thyroid removed, and the year before that I had two breast masses removed. GEEZ. It seems my body likes to produce masses that cause some initial drama, and then it always ends up being nada. I'm tired of surgeries. Maybe removing my ovaries is the answer? I sure hope so.

So....can I just throw up now? Lets get this over with.

The day after my surgery the dear Husband is going to have to attend my appointment to register Hannah for her new High School. Did I mention school starts
August 15th? Am I freakin crazy!!?? I keep telling myself I need to reschedule this surgery....I cant possibly get the school year off to a smooth start with 2 kids in 2 new schools while being a hormonal (and possible blood sugar mess!!) Back to school is VERY stressful with Diabetes....and Maddison is attending a NEW school this year with new teachers, all new kids, a new school nurse, with a new IEP!! OH MAN. School shopping, IEP meetings, meet the teacher, educate the staff, sit in education with the school nurse....

This surgery isnt the best timing. But it has to work. It just has to. No more delaying what needs to be done. No more pretending. August 2nd it is.