Thursday, February 16, 2012

One Night

Last night was that ONE night.

The ONE night that is reason I make insulin increases very slowly during the sleeping hours, even though I know it could take FOREVER to get things back in range.

That ONE night that proves all other nights wrong.

That ONE night that doesn't make sense. So, you watch patterns and wait...not making any changes for a few days.

That ONE night that influences your future decisions in managing numbers, even if only in your sub-conscious mind.

There is always that ONE night.

Maddison was 190 heading to bed. Zero insulin active. Every other night lately I've given a correction to bring down the high and she doesn't budge, or, she ends up much higher. Didn't I just blog about this yesterday?

So, last night I was just about to over-ride Maddi's insulin pump suggestion of .475 to be given as a correction, and give an extra .2 as I have been doing many nights for weeks as needed lately.....

But I didn't.

I'm not sure why.

It would have made sense to do so. This night was no different than other nights. I expected numbers to behave the same. I didnt expect the high to budge, but I had to try.

I didn't give that extra insulin.

I have no idea why I reconsidered.

2.5 hours after that correction Maddison was 55.

Another .1 still working to bring her number down even further.

And my heart stopped.

What happened?

WHY tonight did that same correction amount that didnt budge numbers before cause this low?

What if I did decide to increase that correction earlier? Would I have caused my child's demise? Seriously people. This is the shit that parents of children with Diabetes deal with. Every. Single. Night.


Michael Hoskins said...

The unknowns and no-guarantees are the worst part, indeed. Glad you didn't punch in a little extra and everything worked out.

Wendy Rose said...

It only takes ONE night to make you question yourself a million times over in the nights to come.

The other night my alarm was ticking down for a repeat test 45 minutes away, when Addy came stumbling out looking very confused, and crying.


Out of nowhere.

What if?

I just can't go there.

Denise aka Mom of Bean said...

Man, those 'one' times are the times that make the gravity of this disease really sink in and hit hard.
So glad it turned out fine!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes D throws you a curve ball. Like the time we gave a half correction for a 245 which we would check two hours later. One and a half hours later she was 35. She was awake and caught that one herself. I did not experience any intuition whatsoever. She had gotten some exercise earlier (walking about an hour) but I did not think it possible to drop more than 85 or 90 points an hour (according to Walsh). Maybe her hands were not washed. I have to believe if very low her liver would kick in and she would rebound. I can't allow myself to acknowledge what I do know.... they are walking on a tightrope every day. And it is precarious. Your intuition saved her...

Anonymous said...

This is the first time that I've read your blog... absolutely heart-wrenching. Do you and/or your daughter use a CGM?